Thursday, April 5, 2012
Feeling Crappy
I haven't felt the need to be on here lately. I had a job interview day before yesterday, I didn't feel it went well. The guy that did the interviewing was either a very rude man or he just didn't like me at all. It would be more 12 hour days and possibly Saturday and Sunday, I really don't want that but it pays well. I don't hold out much hope in getting the job. I guess time will tell. I seem to be getting depressed. I'm not sure if it has to do with my friends loss of her mom, she's been pretty depressed lately or if it's the lack of a job. I don't have much unemployment left and I've never been without making my own money, it's tough for sure. I will have my grandkids for a few days so that will help, they can always make me in a good mood. I'm having company this weekend and the next so I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I need to just go a day at a time and bear in mind that all will work out o.k. Think, Marsha, think.
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Dreaded Depression
If you've ever had it, depression, you know it's going to attack you when you are at your lowest, it always does, you fight it, it's the fight of your life, then you kind of get used to it and the anxiety and learn to DEAL with it. It sucks to be on medication, probably for the rest of my life, but I'm willing to take the Xanax, I'm not sure I could live without it, Betty Ford clinic you say, well, maybe someday, but not now. I actually started having panic attacks at work, I was pulling a heavy object and hurt my back, I felt paralyzed, which in turn caused me to panic which supposedly caused this chemical release in my brain that caused me to start having anxiety attacks, I honestly thought it was a stroke, I remember the day like it was yesterday, I couldn't speak, I went numb, couldn't walk, it was awful. They took me to the Hospital, the plant nurse, I use the term loosely drove me into the ER. Now bear in mind I thought I was having a stroke and it kept happening all the way to the hospital. That was probably in the early 90's and to diagnose panic attacks was really hard back then. They found nothing wrong with me and sent me home, everyday I got worse, couldn't talk on the phone, couldn't get in a car, write a check or pretty much do anything. My beloved Dr. Beach who knows everything about everything and has since retired, prescribed Xanax for me and I was better in a few hours, that stuff worked for me. I saw a neurologist that told me I shouldn't have panicked when that happened, I think it cost me about $500 for him to tell me that. My best friend came to see me and couldn't believe the shape I was in so she is the one who called Dr. Beach, thank God she did. Bad things go through your mind when you are in that bad of shape, I can tell you. So FYI if it ever happens to you, get help, it's out there for you.
You see how I ramble, I go off the subject, jump from one subject to the other like crazy, my better friends can follow me, Gary really can't. Depression has been knocking on my door for the last year and a half but I'm not letting it in, I try to take a day at a time and do my own thing. We had a dog for over 5 years that we had to put down, she was so mean and kept getting worse, Gary said no more dogs, well I got a new
dog a few weeks ago, Jax, he is so much company to me, I love him , he keeps me pretty busy.
Every time I don't get a job, one that I think is so menial a kid could do it, I go on a little pity party, you know the story, if nobody feels sorry for you, you feel sorry for yourself. Then I think, hey, it's their loss, none of these jobs have even been for even $10 an hour. I'm not sure what will happen when my unemployment is gone, I can't remember the time I wasn't making my own money. I always worked on purpose, just in case, you never know when you will need money of your own, if you are a woman and don't have your own money you're crazy. Crazy, I tell you.
You see how I ramble, I go off the subject, jump from one subject to the other like crazy, my better friends can follow me, Gary really can't. Depression has been knocking on my door for the last year and a half but I'm not letting it in, I try to take a day at a time and do my own thing. We had a dog for over 5 years that we had to put down, she was so mean and kept getting worse, Gary said no more dogs, well I got a new
dog a few weeks ago, Jax, he is so much company to me, I love him , he keeps me pretty busy.
Every time I don't get a job, one that I think is so menial a kid could do it, I go on a little pity party, you know the story, if nobody feels sorry for you, you feel sorry for yourself. Then I think, hey, it's their loss, none of these jobs have even been for even $10 an hour. I'm not sure what will happen when my unemployment is gone, I can't remember the time I wasn't making my own money. I always worked on purpose, just in case, you never know when you will need money of your own, if you are a woman and don't have your own money you're crazy. Crazy, I tell you.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
The Husband
I haven't even mentioned my husband yet, I have to say I have kind of been in shock since this happened. I guess I just never expected him to be so understanding about this whole thing. I remember coming home and saying "you'll never believe what happened to me today." I told him and he said "you'll find something." You really don't think too much about it I guess until it's been a year and a half and you are wondering what you are going to do for work. I think he likes his meals ready all the time and all the special attention he gets when I'm home plus taking care of the yard and all that good stuff. My husband has been a blessing to me. Most of my family is very understanding of all this turmoil.
To be honest, without having to drive, buy the clothes, special things you have to have, even making good money I probably wasn't really making that much, God knows you spend what you make for sure. I still have a lot of my severance package left, I have friends that have used all that and most of their 401K. It's sad, the taxes on that money is crazy and it just isn't worth drawing it out if you don't absolutely have to have it, my friends need it for house and car payments. There are many in worse shape than me for sure. That doesn't make it any easier, you pretty much feel worthless, when you've worked all your life the guilt sets in, you feel like you should be working outside the home.
To be honest, without having to drive, buy the clothes, special things you have to have, even making good money I probably wasn't really making that much, God knows you spend what you make for sure. I still have a lot of my severance package left, I have friends that have used all that and most of their 401K. It's sad, the taxes on that money is crazy and it just isn't worth drawing it out if you don't absolutely have to have it, my friends need it for house and car payments. There are many in worse shape than me for sure. That doesn't make it any easier, you pretty much feel worthless, when you've worked all your life the guilt sets in, you feel like you should be working outside the home.
I'm Trying
My best friend worked with me too ,so when we were out of work we decided to start our own business. It wasn't such a good idea. We started a cleaning business, we learned that if you make $400 or above you have to claim that money or you can go to prison, can you believe that. Our accountant told us to hold back 35% of what we made. I did it for four months and when I figured out what I was owed it was less than $400, you should never work with you best friend, no two people do things the same way, it could have been the end of a friendship. She continued to do it for a while but she needed medical insurance so she had two or three jobs and then found another factory job that fit her. I have friends that are driving 50 miles a day and making $8-$9 an hour. It's pretty sad. We had great benefits, all through the years but you just don't realize it while you have it. I think that is what most of us miss.
I have been drawing unemployment for awhile now, applying for jobs, it's tough. You would be surprised how many people look at unemployment as welfare, even family members, look, they have paid in on me all my life and if I can't fine a job, well, I'll draw unemployment. Example, I applied for a job cleaning a medical center for 2 hours a day, now mind you I cleaned at a nursing home for several years before I went to the factory and then had my own cleaning business but I couldn't get a 2 hr. a day job for $8 an hour doing what I know how to do. The guy that interviewed me said you are a perfect fit and all but told me I had the job and I didn't get it. Example, I applied for a job fitting eye glasses at an eye doctors for a few hours a week, I didn't even get an interview for that job. How do you ever get experience when nobody will give you a chance? Talk about making you feel about as low as you can. I always thought working at the same place for 30 years would make you be a good candidate for a job, I mean you have a perfect work record and you don't even get a chance. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I just don't understand it.
I have to say, this has been the best year and a half of my life. I love being home, there is plenty to be done around here, especially in the spring and summer with a huge yard and lots of flowers. I have a 5 bedroom house so just trying to keep that clean is a chore.
I have been drawing unemployment for awhile now, applying for jobs, it's tough. You would be surprised how many people look at unemployment as welfare, even family members, look, they have paid in on me all my life and if I can't fine a job, well, I'll draw unemployment. Example, I applied for a job cleaning a medical center for 2 hours a day, now mind you I cleaned at a nursing home for several years before I went to the factory and then had my own cleaning business but I couldn't get a 2 hr. a day job for $8 an hour doing what I know how to do. The guy that interviewed me said you are a perfect fit and all but told me I had the job and I didn't get it. Example, I applied for a job fitting eye glasses at an eye doctors for a few hours a week, I didn't even get an interview for that job. How do you ever get experience when nobody will give you a chance? Talk about making you feel about as low as you can. I always thought working at the same place for 30 years would make you be a good candidate for a job, I mean you have a perfect work record and you don't even get a chance. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I just don't understand it.
I have to say, this has been the best year and a half of my life. I love being home, there is plenty to be done around here, especially in the spring and summer with a huge yard and lots of flowers. I have a 5 bedroom house so just trying to keep that clean is a chore.
The Worst Day of My Life (or so I thought)
I started this once and lost it so I'm trying again.
This is my story, I'm not sure I'll be good at it but I'm sure I'll feel better after I get it off my chest. I'm what you call displaced I guess, that's what I'm told. I'm 57 years old and I worked the same job for 30 years until my world came crashing down.
I worked all kinds of jobs when I was young, bar jobs, nursing home jobs, just your run of the mill, hard working, low paying jobs. I always had a job, I've worked since I was probably 13. This particular job I begged for, I tried as hard as I could for this job, I was 25 when I got this job, still not too smart I guess. I called Bruning Hydraulics every Thursday for two years, I don't remember why it was on a Thursday but there must have been a reason. Finally the H.R. manager said "I think we have a job for you," I couldn't believe it, I was so excited, it was the grave yard shift but I would be making $4.00 and hour and 10% incentive for working that shift. I thought I was something getting that job, I had a daughter at that time that was 4, it was tough leaving her every night at bedtime to go off to work, drive 25 miles in the dark ,by myself but my husband was there with her, I remember so many times driving home at 7:30 a.m. after working all night, driving east and having the sun in my eyes, trying to stay awake so I could go home get my daughter up and take her to a sitter so I could sleep and then go pick her up again. I worked nights for a couple of years, I was lucky most my coworkers worked for years before they could bid off and get a day job. I was laid off a couple of times, once for a short time and then again when I was pregnant with my son in 1982, that was a longer time, they cancelled my medical insurance when I was 7 months pregnant, they had told me no problem, you can keep your insurance but for some reason I was cancelled and it was rough. My husbands job had been bought out so he had just changed insurance companies, thank God they were good enough to carry me, I don't know how we would have paid for a baby, even back then it wasn't cheap. Anyway, that all worked out and I was called back in 1983, I gladly went back, I was probably making over $6 an hour by then.
This company had been bought and sold 5-7 times until it was bought by a big company in 1988, I think the buying and selling in those years was mainly for these companies to have a tax write off. I don't feel I can name the company that bought us in 88, they would probably sue me, seriously..... We were a well known company for hydraulic couplers and cylinders used in agriculture and constructions by big name companies. We were good at what we did. They sold off the cylinder business after a few years because they only made about 7 million a year on that, pretty much everyone that that was a bad move but we had no say. That caused a lot of people to be moved to different areas and take pay cuts and lots of discontent among the workers. It was rough to say the least.
I hurt my back there in probably 1990 and was sent to shipping as a light duty job, now you might think shipping? Light duty? Right you are, made no sense to me either but I worked back there for a long time, anyway, cut to the chase, sometime in June of 2010 it was posted we were having a meeting, it's mandatory, even if you are on vacation, you need to be there, it's a much. right away I started to have a funny feeling, like maybe something really bad was going to happen, but many times before I had heard rumors about the place closing or a layoff so really I wasn't too nervous. That day, I will never forget, it's burned in my memory. There were about 4 or 5 guys that walked in, these guys like to dress alike, I'm serious, dark pants, light blue or white shirts and a tie. I always thought of them as like the Stepford Wives but only the male version. Most of them were too wrapped up in themselves to even talk to you, the common worker, I have to say we had one division manager that was really nice, he moved up quickly, back to my story. They walked in, all eyes were downcast not looking at anyone. Pretty much they told us that the plant was closing, they were moving everything up North where all the other plants are. I think I was in such shock I don't remember much except to think what the hell am I going to do now? I'm 55, no job and I've pretty much ruined my body because of the hard work and being on cement all those years. The told us not to say we were fired or let go but that we were displaced, I still wonder where they placed me except in a bad, bad, spot.
I guess our Division Mgr. came up with a great plan to move everything north and have all the factories up there, I was told and I don't know if this is a fact, but that it cost a fortune to get it all done and things are not going that well up there with the products we made in Lincoln. Where they move our line of products they only made a few different things, we made hundreds in Lincoln. I am told we got a good severance package, I don't know how you put a price on a lifetime of work but I guess they did. There were many, many people that had been there longer than I had. If you wanted to move up north they would give you $15,000, you had to stay a year to be able to keep that money, I'm not sure how many moved, not many, maybe 10 out of 200. To be honest, I haven't really talked to anyone that went with them but I hear it's not easy for them.
This is the beginning of my story.
This is my story, I'm not sure I'll be good at it but I'm sure I'll feel better after I get it off my chest. I'm what you call displaced I guess, that's what I'm told. I'm 57 years old and I worked the same job for 30 years until my world came crashing down.
I worked all kinds of jobs when I was young, bar jobs, nursing home jobs, just your run of the mill, hard working, low paying jobs. I always had a job, I've worked since I was probably 13. This particular job I begged for, I tried as hard as I could for this job, I was 25 when I got this job, still not too smart I guess. I called Bruning Hydraulics every Thursday for two years, I don't remember why it was on a Thursday but there must have been a reason. Finally the H.R. manager said "I think we have a job for you," I couldn't believe it, I was so excited, it was the grave yard shift but I would be making $4.00 and hour and 10% incentive for working that shift. I thought I was something getting that job, I had a daughter at that time that was 4, it was tough leaving her every night at bedtime to go off to work, drive 25 miles in the dark ,by myself but my husband was there with her, I remember so many times driving home at 7:30 a.m. after working all night, driving east and having the sun in my eyes, trying to stay awake so I could go home get my daughter up and take her to a sitter so I could sleep and then go pick her up again. I worked nights for a couple of years, I was lucky most my coworkers worked for years before they could bid off and get a day job. I was laid off a couple of times, once for a short time and then again when I was pregnant with my son in 1982, that was a longer time, they cancelled my medical insurance when I was 7 months pregnant, they had told me no problem, you can keep your insurance but for some reason I was cancelled and it was rough. My husbands job had been bought out so he had just changed insurance companies, thank God they were good enough to carry me, I don't know how we would have paid for a baby, even back then it wasn't cheap. Anyway, that all worked out and I was called back in 1983, I gladly went back, I was probably making over $6 an hour by then.
This company had been bought and sold 5-7 times until it was bought by a big company in 1988, I think the buying and selling in those years was mainly for these companies to have a tax write off. I don't feel I can name the company that bought us in 88, they would probably sue me, seriously..... We were a well known company for hydraulic couplers and cylinders used in agriculture and constructions by big name companies. We were good at what we did. They sold off the cylinder business after a few years because they only made about 7 million a year on that, pretty much everyone that that was a bad move but we had no say. That caused a lot of people to be moved to different areas and take pay cuts and lots of discontent among the workers. It was rough to say the least.
I hurt my back there in probably 1990 and was sent to shipping as a light duty job, now you might think shipping? Light duty? Right you are, made no sense to me either but I worked back there for a long time, anyway, cut to the chase, sometime in June of 2010 it was posted we were having a meeting, it's mandatory, even if you are on vacation, you need to be there, it's a much. right away I started to have a funny feeling, like maybe something really bad was going to happen, but many times before I had heard rumors about the place closing or a layoff so really I wasn't too nervous. That day, I will never forget, it's burned in my memory. There were about 4 or 5 guys that walked in, these guys like to dress alike, I'm serious, dark pants, light blue or white shirts and a tie. I always thought of them as like the Stepford Wives but only the male version. Most of them were too wrapped up in themselves to even talk to you, the common worker, I have to say we had one division manager that was really nice, he moved up quickly, back to my story. They walked in, all eyes were downcast not looking at anyone. Pretty much they told us that the plant was closing, they were moving everything up North where all the other plants are. I think I was in such shock I don't remember much except to think what the hell am I going to do now? I'm 55, no job and I've pretty much ruined my body because of the hard work and being on cement all those years. The told us not to say we were fired or let go but that we were displaced, I still wonder where they placed me except in a bad, bad, spot.
I guess our Division Mgr. came up with a great plan to move everything north and have all the factories up there, I was told and I don't know if this is a fact, but that it cost a fortune to get it all done and things are not going that well up there with the products we made in Lincoln. Where they move our line of products they only made a few different things, we made hundreds in Lincoln. I am told we got a good severance package, I don't know how you put a price on a lifetime of work but I guess they did. There were many, many people that had been there longer than I had. If you wanted to move up north they would give you $15,000, you had to stay a year to be able to keep that money, I'm not sure how many moved, not many, maybe 10 out of 200. To be honest, I haven't really talked to anyone that went with them but I hear it's not easy for them.
This is the beginning of my story.
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